Sadness and bitterness consumes me!

I sad, and terribly bitter. I don't wish to be happy, but rather for the pain to subside. I am just so heartbroken. It's not the first time, but just can't seem to shake it right now. I know it will all be fine eventually, but that doesn't seem to stop the pain or the tears. I will smile...just not today...maybe not even this month.

Happy? Anniversary

Today is the 8 year anniversary for the day I said "I Do". It's easier than it used to be, but it is a day that I often think about things. Especially since my ex got remarried and had a baby in the last year. Oh well...I am certain I am better off...just a day to think about things.

Helped that I got to work today and had a VERY nice Christmas Card from Peeps. It had some very kind words and it really started the day out right.

I also got a message from this guy I occasionally talk to on MySpace that said:
"1. i hope that sometime we get to hang out. 2. i too, will put air in your tires, ### ### ####. that's my tire filler upper number, it also takes text messages, funny pictures, and it sends out "how was your day today pretty?" messages. and funny jokes when i get them."
I really chuckled at this.

I did make about 12 dozen cookies with my mom and sister yesterday. It was fun. We made Butter, Sugar, and Gingerbread cookies! They are all so awesome! Funny thing is that this year, my dad came out and asked if he could help. He frosted a few cookies and then did the dishes. I was like WTH...is he just rubbing in the fact that he is so great and I just can't find anyone as great as he is? Jeesh!

BTW, I started feeling like I was getting sick last night. I have progressively gotten worse as the day went on. I ate dinner, wanted to blog and then I am going to crash on the couch and medicate with Benedryl to see if it helps for tomorrow.

There's lots more that I could report about my weekend, but feel as though I won't at this time. Maybe I will be able to forget about it if I don't write about it!

K, well the dogs are chomping at the bit for some cuddle time.

My new tree and my drama saga!

This is my new tree. I got some candy cane shaped Detroit Tigers ornaments from Matt(1)'s Mom, Ellen. I was then at Wal-Mart on Friday and saw this blue tree and then on Sunday this perfect image as you see it popped into my head! I have not decorated for Christmas for three years and decided that this little tree was going to be what I did this year. I SOOO love Christmas decorations, yet I find it extremely depressing to do it alone. I thought three years ago that it would get me into the spirit, but all it did was depress me more. I have not decorated since. It is something I want to share with someone. So, I am not sharing this delightful blue Tigers dorned tree with all the people I work with! As I walk back to my desk I smile and do a little happy dance because I love it! It's not fully decorated yet, but it was just born today! It will get there! I am on the hunt for orange...I mean ORANGE, not burnt orange, but ORANGE bulbs! It will be fun and also exciting when I find them!

Anyway, I had simple and quick email conversation with Matt(2) last night. I may have crossed the line and scared him off when I asked that he does remember me (he is pretty hot and worried he doesn't remember what I look like) and that he knows I am 33. He has not responded. The beauty of MySpace email is that you know when someone reads your email. He's read it and been online. Maybe he is busy... I don't know...this dating and crap is something that I am not used to. Never really dealt with it! I as always will remain patient and let him do the work if he feels it is worth it. (yes, I did read He's Just Not That Into You and try to follow it)

Matt(1) and I had a texting conversation about nothing last night. A guy that seems interested in me on MySpace, we will call B(2) emailed me and we talked for a bit last night and today I had an email conversation with someone that remains dear in my heart, but I have done wrong who will be named B(1).

A friend of mine told me recently that he doesn't know if he is mature enough for a relationship...I am thinking that maybe I am not mature enough for one!!! I just can't seem to get it right! Oh well. I am free to do what I want when I want. I know people that would kill for that sometimes, or is that what I tell myself?

Well, my goal tonight is to get the stuff that is still sitting in my kitchen that I bought on Black Friday in it's proper place, and not on my kitchen table!!! Guess I better get busy! I have 24 articles of clothing to try on and hang up!!! :0)

Let's get this started!

So, a dear dear friend of mine has a blog out here and I so much enjoy reading other people's blogs, that I decided to start on of these myself. I have blogged on MySpace, but that seems to get me in trouble. I enjoy blogging. I feel it is a great release. Read it, don't read it. Judge me by my thoughts...I don't give a damn. This is about me for me. Not about you (well maybe it is) for me (this is for sure the truth!!!)

So, it is just a few days after Thanksgiving. I am really bad at dealing with the holidays being perpetually single this time of year! I broke down and went to my....um...well guess we are friends, but used to be more's house. He invited me over and being I didn't want to end up at Reno's again this year for an evening with strangers, I decided to go. It was s good time. His family is the BEST. Then it was Black Friday and my Mom and I spent so quality shopping time together. Spent the evening alone and then on Satuday decided to trek back out to Woodland to hang out at a bar I used to hang out at all the time in my married life. This is always such a treat. I get to see all kinds of people I have not seen in a long time. It wasn't so bad. Had a few drinks and then talked to the "friend" he proceeded to tell me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me. I know now that this was the alcohol talking. As he hasn't really talked to me since.

Now today...one of my dearest friends came and asked if I would be intrerested in going on a double date. I was like...what???? Turns out there is this guy....25 and named Matt if you can believe it that would like to go out with me. I was like are you f'ing kidding me?!? Another 25 year old and his name is Matt to start!?! Oh boy... The more I have thought about it the more it bothers me. Why not go? Matt(1) doesn't seem to have interest in me when he isn't drinking. Do I just wait around until he does...if he does? Or, do I live my life? Would going out with Matt(2) be a mistake? Is it too soon? Is another 25 year old really what I need to get myself into? Oh brother!! My life just never ceases to amaze me! So much so that I thought what the heck....let's blog about it. So many friends have said I should write a book with my crazy life, so here world...here is my book about Heather Elizabeth Kauffman!!!

Ok, not sure how this thing really works yet, so I am going to publish and hope for the best. Hopefully all goes well and there are may postings to come!